September 27, 2010
Here I am saying the cliche phrase: Depression hurts, but it is so true. It is such a strange thing to experience. It is like there is this shield over you where you disconnect from the world and those around you. You try to have deep, meaningful conversations but sometimes they feel fake because you are not sure if you truly believe what you are saying. You used to believe it, but right now you are not so sure. It is a very confusing state to be in. Things just don't appear the way they were before. It is so painful because you feel so empty and alone. I fully know God allows these things and He never said it would be easy, but I never knew it would hurt this much either. It is such a struggle trying to keep your faith and focus on God when you feel like everything else around you is crashing down. Today a song keeps playing over and over in my head. I keep hearing the same line again and again. It brings me comfort and hope. It is well with my soul. It just gives me this picture that everything is going to be okay.
September 26, 2010
I think that God sometimes takes us into the hard times to draw us back to Him. I believe that He breaks us down so He can mold us into people He desires us to be. Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Isaiah 64:8 God allows good times and bad times to come into our lives because He knows that we are not consistent beings. He knows that we will never remain in love with Him constantly. He knows that the bad times teach us and mold us to be the people we are created to be. God can take me into the hard times because I know that He is with me. He is using the bad times for good. God is an intelligent God with an incredible plan and will for my life. Take me where you want, Lord. I will follow you. Mold me. Refine me. Shape me. I know your will is perfect. I trust you.
September 22, 2010
Why do I fear? Why do I allow myself to be taken over and paralyzed by fear? Why does fear have such control on my life? God says fear no one but me, your Protector. When we are face to face with our fears we must feel it and then move forward in faith trusting God will protect us. God promises that He is with us when we are afraid. For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13 He will help. He is not a God that abandons, He is a faithful God. When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? Psalm 56:3-4. I will not be controlled by the enemy. I will take captive my thoughts for they are God's not the enemy's. I will not fear because God promises that He is with me. If my Protector, Daddy, Redeemer, Savior, and Healer is with me, then why should I be afraid? I am safe. I am free from the enemy. The Glory of God has defeated the night. I am safe. All pain is over as He draws me closer. I am free.
September 21, 2010
Satan attacks. I came to the realization today that Satan attacks and he attacks with purpose. He attacks to destroy. He does everything in his power to wear me down. Satan can attacks my physical health, my mental state, my heart, my soul, my dreams, anything. But God still has everything. The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. Romans 16:20 Once I gave my heart to Christ, He promised to protect it. My prayer for today is that God would capture me. I prayed, "God, you completely have me. Capture my mind. Capture my dreams. Capture my body. Capture my soul. Capture my heart. Capture my life." As I was praying I finally understood something about Satan. He can mess with mind, my dreams, my body, my soul, my heart, and my life, but he has no capture over me. Christ has captured me since the day I gave Him my life, everything. Christ is holding my dreams, my mind, my soul, my heart, everything in His hands. Satan can mess with me, but he cannot overtake me or demolish me or take away who I have become in Christ because I am covered by the blood of Christ and no harm can come to me.
September 20, 2010
Why is it that the times when you feel abandoned by God you feel abandoned by everyone? I know God hasn't abandoned me and won't ever abandon me, but sometimes He feels distant. I know His love and grace is surrounding me completely. I have faith I am not alone. Sometimes I feel abandoned though by the people I love the most, I feel more disappointed and betrayed because they are the ones I trust the most and look to the most. When I need help, I go to them. But I think this feeling of abandonment comes from my distance from God. When God doesn't feel present in my life, when the one person that promises to never abandon or disappoint me feels distant, how can I not feel the same way towards people around me? Loved ones will always disappoint me and will never be able to fulfill my needs, but God can. God is the fullfiller of my soul. The Joy of my life. The One that will always unconditionally love me. I find peace knowing I will never be disappointed by the One that is most precious to me.