July 19, 2011

A life of sacrifice..?

God and I have been playing tug-a-war for the past few months. As I prepare for this trip in January, He has been preparing my heart. Through my prayer time the Lord has asked me to give everything up to Him.  And through time, I have been able to accomplish this. I have come to a place where I like the luxuries in my life, such as running hot water, my bed, a fridge full of food, a couch, and lights but I know I can freely live without them and live in total contentment. The problem is that I have surrendered all those things to the Lord, but a few things. I just recently learned to surrender my relationships with my family and friends to the Lord. I realize my family will never cease loving me and will always be there for me no matter where I am. My friendships, I know the same. But the one relationship God and I are fighting over right now is the one with my boyfriend. This one is the most complicated and I think that is why the Lord is asking for me to give it up to Him. Now I have reached a place where I am totally honest with the Lord. I have been telling the Lord that He is going to have to fight hard for this one. I am not going to just give it to Him. Now understand this, I want to give it to the Lord, but my heart is so wrapped around this relationship so tightly that I am struggling so much. I also know that this relationship has become an idol in my life. My boyfriend has become my savior and saving grace many times, when He should never take that place. So right now I am journeying through the Lord as He slowly recaptures my heart. I am on the journey to find my first true Love again. 

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